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UFC 229 Nurmagomedov v McGregor: When the White Walkers Brawl Amongst Themselves.

By: Vanessa Forbes-Pateman

Hey ladies, did you watch the UFC 229 bout on Saturday night??? Two White Walkers decided to have a duel; that matchup between Khabib Nurmagomedov and Connor McGregor was Eeeeeppppiiiicccc.  Dang, I didn’t know White Walkers got down like that between themselves.  It’s like Nurmagomedov pulled a Nicki Minaj to Miley Cyrus  (Cyrus being McGregor’s camp’s peeps) with the “Miley, what’s good” at the 2015 VMA, but it was after the take down and so much darker. Let’s look at McGregor’s’ attempt at a comeback with a win  (This went horribly south by the way).

“Mixed martial arts, also known as MMA, is a term for the combat sport in which two competitors attempt to achieve dominance over one another by utilizing three general tactics: striking, finishing holds, and control both standing and on the ground” (www.elite-mma.com).  This term was first used by television critic Howard Rosenberg in his review 1993 review of UFC 1. UFC Fight Stats analyze the Total Strikes %, Significant Strikes %, and Takedowns % of a match, as well as the number of Submission Attempts that are performed.

So apart from the fact that the little troll from Ireland needs to just take this L and go freaking train and stop talking…There were zero knockdowns by either men.  When you look at the Total Strike category, McGregor had a 75% rating compared to Nurmagomedov’s 66%.  McGregor’s Significant Strike was 63% compared to Nurmagomedov’s 59%.  However (and here’s where McGregor needs to just take this L and go work on regaining his his usual Fighting-Irish-All-out-Brawling-no-holds-barred-former-self ), concerning takedowns,  he was more  Lucky-Charms-magically-delicious than Fighting Irish; Nurmagomedov scored everything in this category, with 43% (whereas McGregor scored 0%).

Nurmagomedov took all the fight out of the Irishman McGregor, by treating him like Mayhem in the AllState Insurance Commercials.  McGregor just couldn’t get away from Nurmagomedov “Mayhem.”  Nurmagomedov put that Thanos grip on McGregor in Round 4 about 3:03 minutes in, and McGregor faded just like the Avengers during that Thanos finger-snap.  Nurmagomedov gave McGregor more of a Thanos thunderclap though because with that one submission hold, the Irish lost his fight and yo, that L was dropped.  Nurmagomedov is now 27-0-0 and McGregor sits at 21-4-0, which means this could make for a great rematch, as neither man has ever been knocked out.

Here’s the kicker: Nurmagomedov could be stripped of the title because of the brawl that ensued after the submission.  His camp asked “what’s good?” and McGregor’s being Irish and being known to not back down from a fight, answered with “yo who’re you talking to bro?”  I’m totally surprised that McGregor has declined to file charges.  But, I guess you can’t do that since you’re known to start melees for no apparent reason also.  Guess his people didn’t appreciate the fact that he had to tap out of the rear naked chokehold the Russian had him in.  The post-fight scene was the ugliest in UFC history, and given that this is the UFC, that’s REALLY saying something.  Yo, when White Walkers brawl amongst themselves, everybody else…take coverrrrr!  Winter is definitely here; because, there’s in-fighting amongst the White Walkers and everybody wants a piece of that Iron Throne.

Ladies, I know that, at this point, you’re asking yourselves  “is MMA a good form of self defense or should I learn a few moves so you can wrestle the remote from my SO?”  Owning the remote aside, we all worry about our personal safety.  While MMA is not a bad place to start, in a real street fight this type of training won’t give you the full self-defense coverage you need. According to statistics, 80% of all aggressors on the street are armed, so the recommendations I’ve seen say a combination of MMA and QCQ would over-all give you the best knowledge base for self-defense.   Close quarters combat (CQC) is a “tactical concept that involves physical confrontation between several combatants, using weapons” (www.urbandictionary.com).  It is the martial-arts-inspired style of hand-to-hand combat and is used by both the military and the police, because it allows you to use a handgun and knife at the same time.  Think Daniel Craig, who took the James Bond franchise back to Ian Fleming original vision of 007.  Craig gives us a combination of MMA and QCQ in his fight scenes.  I couldn’t source any free self-defense classes available in Quad Cities, but several of the businesses that do offer classes offer free introductory sessions.

I do want to emphatically state that anything you do should be done legally, so if you do decide to take up QCQ, that you are securing your safety responsibly (there are laws and regulations that come with carrying weapons). See you here next week ladies, where I will manage to mangle some other sport, sport controversy or just generally make fun of Dolphins and Patriots fans.

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